sorry for the cross post!

i've also not been round very much, so huge apologies from me.
am working more hours than ever.

still with my lovely blondeboy that i met almost a year ago while visiting fishwhiskers!

FINALLY had my fibroscan this last week.
it was absolutely horrid.
got sent to the royal free in london for it and the woman scanning me made feel absolutely horrid about my weight - she actually jiggled my tummy and told me she doubted she could get a reading with all my padding. i almost burst into tears! but instead turned it into anger and told her if i'd got the test over a year ago when i was still sick i'd have been alot thinner.

she then chastised me again for wasting my healthy liver by gaining weight and turning it all fatty.

i don't know what to do - this is about the 5th health care professional that has told me i need to lose weight, but none of them have offered the slightest bit of help to do it...so took matters into my own hands today and used the last £80 i had to my name and went and got a colonic irrigation - thinking of it as a big 'reset' of my system. the woman performing the colonic is an x nurse and was wonderful - explained to me that if my liver is not working well then the best diet and exercise in whole world will not help me lose weight.

so...she suggested and apple juice liver cleanse - has anyone else done one?

past is present

luckily everyone else was too busy or sick or whatever to see me last night, because i'd forgot i said that i'd meet up with the punkrock ex loverboy as he was in town getting his eyes tested. so we met up in the ship (yes fishwhiskers and foodlebug know it well - where we went for pirate night!) and hung out catching up properly about how just when you think life is sorted and settled it all goes shit again...

...and of course we talked about hepc too as he's finally getting round to dealing with it after 25 years. i guess i'm kinda like is mentor or sponsor or something as i'm the only person he knows that has has it and has been through treatment, so yea we talked long and hard about it and i told him the 2 main things he needs to find out first and now - well next week when he goes to the hospital. i've told him to find out his genotype and get a sonogram of his liver - both asap.

he's going to whipp's cross hospital - does anyone have any experience there?
THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!

oh! and...

it was interesting to talk to my french doctor about achieving svr...
of course he's gone into plastic surgery so isn't completely up on the latest achievements of tx but was so impressed that i'd cleared completely, especially as he's lost a friend to hepC.
but, also interesting is that he'd been a testee for drug trials of interferon when he was a poor med student - and he remembers horridly how sick he was and he never did drug trials after that!

another interesting snippet is that my french doc feels that when he is ill that he is more achey than is normal - and he still blames this on the interferon trials he did years ago.

hmmm...makes sense to me!
i'm alot more achey than i ever was before tx.

blowing raspberries

drinking a lovely vegan raspberry cider and not having to feel guilty.

altho the way things are with me and the fiance right now sometimes i wish i was still sick and dying via liver explosion. ugh.

i really hate that i should be happy and celebrating but instead just worse depressed and anxious as when i was on tx...

too much/too soon

but i did it!
i did a full week of work and managed to travel up north to a pitch on friday and take part.

it too alot out of me and i was really touch and go by thursday morning but i pushed through it.

unfortunately means i've given myself a cough and my voice is waivery - could be overwork/stress or just germs from the plane. so back in bed sleeping most of the day away.

feeling sick but different sick.

so how is everyone else doing?

i'm baaaack...

and ca't sleep and still achey. i really wish there was more information about what to expect as you come off tx as today i was sick as a dog - and have been sooo bloaty with the hugest tits ever, which is not good when i have to go out and buy some new pitch clothes for friday, and i'd put off buying anything for the last 7 months as was promised this treatment was also a weight loss regime! luckily i didn't lose too much of my ass but i wouldn't have missed my bingo winglettes or little weird csection belly bump if it had dissappeared.

so as i was bloated to fuck to day i decided to go to hennes instead of liberty and bought 3 pair of trousers for less than half of what i'd usually pay for 1 - so don't feel too bad that i'm back up to my largest sixe ever. just wish i felt more healthy in it and my skin wasn' so gross and grotty. the fake bake is wearing off and its like the meds are seeping out through my skin, so my bath this morning is going to involved alot of scrubbing with a lush buffy bar!

let's just hope that it doesn't scrub away the amount of tan that i did manage to get though...amaxingly i did really really well in the sun! i think the trick is to smother yourself really well before going out in it at all - the first day on the beach i started out with 15 everywhere and bump3d it up to 50 by afternoon, second day only needed the 15 but felt it was too much so went down to factor 8 on the third day...

of course because i was wearing the sexy 40s style bathing suit i have avoided the usual white tits headlights - but only because my belly isnt tanned either - and it's usually my brownest bit so i'm heaping on the boots mousse soltan which smells like oatmeal so i can wear it to work!

ugh work, its my first week back fulltime and it's probably too early - escpecially as i've been put on an important bit of new business...so all i am doing is working and home to bed and a bit of crochet, i just wish i could sleep as i've been awake now since 3am. o well more time for a nice long bubble bath this morning i guess...the fiance is staying at his place while i'm so busy and its kinda nice to just be all girlie overdrive.

because i need the pampering! yesterday really was a bad day and i felt sick sick sick all day. as usual i'm pushing myself too much but its so hard to know how far is too far until after the fact! i'm glad i went to italy but think ibixa in september will be my proper relaunch and i'm even planning on getting tattooed at inkadelic when i'm out there to celebrate the detox...just wish i could do it with a few bottles of cava too but the nurses have told me no no no, not til i get the SVR all clear, ugh!

actually - full props to the nurses, they are trying to grow the team at UCH and i'm really liking the new person that i've met, just wish i'd remembered to ask about what travel sickness meds i should.could take while travelling...i was puke-tastick on flights and in cars all trip, not fun in that heat. but what lovely heat! i'm thouroughly chilled to the bone now back in gloomy london. even did the electric blanket trick last night to try and warm my aching joints.
very sad in august!

last shot done

sick sick sick...this morning has been spent in a full body cramp.
am sooo glad i only had to do 24 weeks - i really admire people who do a full 72...and sometimes they have to do it twice. yikes! fingers crossed this has worked for me!

and naples is booked.
we fly to rome at the crack of dawn on thursday morning
i'm really looking forward to seeing the fiance's big big extended family - especially the kids!
...and some nice sunny weather. london is currently dreary greay and rainy. ugh.

if its tuesday it must not be belgium. darn.

yesterday was bad.

it was the first time i woke up sooo sick in the middle of the night that i thought 'there is no way i am going to make it to work today'...
i layed in b3d for hours just feeling feverish and pukey and achey,
but in the end i forced meself to get up out of bed and go in.

then i sat at my desk all day trying not to puke in my bin.
my lovely colleagues kept asking me if i needed to be there (answer yes) and telling me i looked ghostly white (i am sure that i did as i felt it)

i am at week 8
its when i heard it gets bad

and to stop feeling so spaced i'm only taking half an anti-d on work nights...

i soo don't like mondays...

so yesterday i also forgot to mention that i've changed my nipple rings...again...in hopes for more comfort. went down charing cross road to the chinese girls' shop and got black 1.6x16mm circular barbells - they look small on my huge nipples but don't show the migration as badly. they only take cash there so didnt get anything else - but really wanted a black belly ring and some new wooden spools for my ears too.

i'm still pretty wiped out today - so glad i've been able to be home sick rather than try to work through monday. have had a few phone calls from work, but nothing too stressful. spent awhile on the floor on my yoga mat stretching, which did NOTHIN T'ALL to relieve this migraine that has found its way down my back and shoulders.

not sure if back migraines exist - but that is what it feels like!

am finding my time at home quite lonely.
i thought that i would welcome it as my life is usually soooo buuuusy.
before tx i went into thinkin' i'd use the time to crochet, embroider, maybe make a quilt, sort out all the little niggly things in life that i never have time for - like sorting my fabric scraps, looking for a better home contents insurance deal, etc.

but no!
my tx days are getting worse, and the rest of the time i'm too exhausted.
i spend most of the time in bed with not enough brain power to even play animal crossing on my nintendo ds...but even though i'm sick its very lonely without the fiance here.
(how dare he go to work/laundrette/buy me presents, lol)

and now i've seen 2 mice.
so i really really really want a cat.
but my allergies mean its probably not the best time with my immune system sooo low - so i've spent the last half hour online looking at sphynx cats and trying to find a rescue kittie.

i want a hairless kittie to keep this hepkittie company!

i. am. fucked.

fridays i thought were supposed to be my good days but 2 weeks in a row i've woken up with migraines that i can't shake...i'm reckoning that it's because by friday that the week has just plain caught up with me. i'm only working 4 days a week (and maybe 1 at home) but these are media days - so i didn't even finish til late late last night due to launching a really important new ad...and the earliest time i left the office all week was 20:00. ugh...

so physically/mentally/emotionally by fridays i am fucked.

did my 6th shot last night and within a few hours was in THE MOST FOUL MOOOD ever, and sicker than a sick sick dog, hardly slept, and when i finally got up for morning meds i managed to leave the burners on under the pans i was re-heating for breakfast...i've not done that since 7th grade when i was back in utah and was being rushed to church one sunday morning!

still...it took me 2 hours to figure it out and also to eat my small little breakfast burrito of rice and beans, but at least my pots aren't ruined! its scary though that it even happened. as i've said before, i'm called rainman at work because i'm just. so. that. way.

and now i am scared to cook when i'm home alone in case i forget to turn the stove off and burn down the house...i better stock up on avocadoes and take away tofu pies then!

but i better keep them in some tupperware...
because i'm not home alone!
i seem to have been joined by the fattest slowest mouse ever which makes me think its pregnant and i better do something quick...like get a cat!

i don't mind if a cat catches a mouse as that is knda the natural order of things!

and i can't bring myself to be species-ist and kill the mouse myself as it has just as much right to live here as i do....