5 months on - to the day

and i am over 5 stone lighter!

also, just had a meal that was actually more calories than i was used to consuming in a whole day when i was on the lighter life total programme.

i feel full, but not that full...wow.

exhausted

this last week has been pretty bad for me, not so much diet-wise as overall everything-wise...as of sunday i had worked straight through every day since the easter bank holiday and the days were sometimes as late as midnight, but sunday woke up with the worst jabbing pain ever in my lower left back - probably from sitting on my ass in a work chair 24 fucking 7...especially as with my bad bursitis i can't sit completely straight and flat for more than a couple hours at a time.

so i went and found myself a nice chinese massage on the way to work so i could actually sit in a chair, and could hardly move at bellydance...then got home and could feel one of those spangly migraines coming on so did all the right things - had a pint of water, some green tea, and some broth. or at least i tried to make some broth, but as i was filling the kettle, my middle finger went wierd and numb then my whole right hand - and it was cold to the touch.

scary.

then it passed.

but went straight to my face then my mouth then my tongue = which was even scarier. then that passed too...then the cycle started all over again about half an hour later. and this went on and on for about five hours. til i finally passed out exhausted. went to the doctor the next morning and she reckoned it is from the severity of the migraine.

or it coulda been from my back pain being a pinched nerve.

i've not been online much since it happened as looking at my netbook screen seems to set off a headache. so just sleeping alot which means i've been having a bit of a hard time actually managing to eat all 4 of my foodpacks each day...although tonight it's more just the thought of actually eating again makes me want to hurl. next week i need to make sure i've bough half shakes - they are better for the hot weather as well as at night.

25lbs down!

jean genie

i am definitely going to have to break down and buy a new pair of smaller jeans. even my smallest size are getting quite loose...i feel a trip to dotty p's is in order!

menopause for thought.

I've had hardly any symptoms at all as the diet is so clean. As long as I stick to one cup of coffee a day I can avoid all the hot flashes and stuff.

5 on 5 of 5

i lost another 5lbs this week - that is now 20lbs in 4wks...wohooo!!!

its working.

i really really love my GP.
went to see her this evening to get my monthly blood pressure checkup and she took about 45 mins chatting with me about all aspects of my health, and is really interested in how the diet is working for me. as well as the paperwork, she weighed me but i don't want to pay it much mind as the scales may not be calibrated the same as the ones at my group...but she also measured my waist AND I'VE LOST 6 INCHES OFF MY WAIST IN LESS THAN A MONTH woooohoooo.

ass chat - literally (sorry)

i'm not actually sure if anyone even reads this blog at all...guess i could look on my analytics, but then it might completely put me off if there is no one out there. and i'm finding blogging again quite helpful in organising my thoughts around weight loss and health. so if you are out therem i'm sorry i've not been posting the last couple weeks but i've been away gyspy dancing in brighton and also squeezing in as many other dance workshops as possible...

...thinkin' that this would help me lose weight.
and it did week 2: lost 5lbs then week 3 sucked with only 1 pound lost. even after working my ass off literally to the point of exhaustion. which i'm now thinking and hearing may have been the reason why my loss was so little. so this weekend i've taken it a bit easier, and ensured that i've rested.

another reason i think i may have not lost much?
i was literally full of shit! even adding as much fiber as i could to my lighter life food packs, i was still tightly packed, then i swear i pooed out at least 2lbs of crap the next morning. i wish i could have demanded a recount for the week! so this week i'm also eating dulco-lax like sweeties to try and shift my weight that way as well as burn it.

ugh...wish me luck.

999

i lost 9 pounds in 6 days!

...and have now moved onto some bar food as well as just spacepacks.

so need to think of extra ways to keep losing the weight at the same speed.
next week i should feel strong enough to do bellydance conditioning so that should help. then the next week gypsy dance in portslade will add another session.

hmmm - but what after that???

ketosis

today i can actually start to tell differences - good and bad, with the space food diet.

good:
i can already see the difference in my body!
wednesday is tribal fusion with hilde so i generally wear leggings and a long sweater to work...and today i wasn't all embarassed or worried about the size of my tummy!

bad:
i must be in ketosis because my pee really really smells bad.

and i forgot my foodpacks today - luckily i had a couple stashed in my drawer here at work but coulda been a pain having to go back home to get some.

so i had to have the spicy curry pack.
which i was dreading but actually wasn't too bad in the end...

...and i've scored some cinammon to put in my vanilla drink to have before class tonight.
yummy!

can't wait til tomoro evening to find out how much i've lost...

5 is my lucky number...

...but it doesn't feel like it today!

it is the fifth day and this diet is really kicking my butt.
i have been light-headed and hicupping for hours.
had to miss my bellydance conditioning class with darkstar tonight as i was feeling so woozy.
strange, when i was on tx i would have pushed through - but then that was only getting my ass on the power plate...passing out in bellydance class coulda been embarrassing - especially when first aid is not kerry's strong point, lol.

it is all my own fault though.
i think i got a bit dehydrated today.
had to change my shaker/container from the horrid big plastic embarrassing lighter life one given free with the diet, to a nice brushed steel thermos. chic, but doesn't hold enough - so i probably didn't drink enough water.

the other reason it is my own fault is we are told not to exercise for the first week and until our body has got used to the diet and in ketosis...but i still went to the gym on saturday for a lighter session then usual but sunday was a new tribal bellydance class with arina of fleur estelle - it was the hardest class i have done since moria's at raqs britannia last year.

it is all worth it though.
the girls at work can see a bit of difference and my blondeboy says i look alot less bloated than before. of course some of this is due to my doctor changing my meds, but mostly due to the new diet!

teatime update

altho everytime is teatime on this diet - i've had about 15 cups of ppermint today!

just tried the chocolate shake and i think i shake shake shaked toooo much water into it.

must remember for next time.

tang redux

well i got better and i got fatter.
it seems to be a curse of the middle aged lady that goes through tx...

i have got to the point that nothing fits, and my bursitis has flared up - so what am i doing about it?

going on a space food diet!

and today is day one.
i've tried vanilla shake that i blended with ice ice and more ice and it took me about 45 mins to drink, the orange powder for water which really makes me feel like an astronaut, and now the mushroom cuppa soup that is yummier than any other mushroomy soup that i have ever had - although it could do with some garlic, but then i'd be stuck with garlic breath and that would suck because for some reason i'm not allowed gum.

probably because of all the shit in it and that whole chewing creating tummy juices thing...
so have a bottle of listerine in my desk to rinse rinse rinse away as much as possibl3.

my goal is to look good by ibiza-time which should be no problem.
i'm sooo loooking forward to dancing on the tables at bora-bora with the russian prostitutes!

sooo last year

so...
i lasted more than a whole year without being ill!

but have just had a bout of flu - it came on tuesday night, i first defensed first thing thursday morning, spent thursday night through saturday lunchtime in bed - but am up and around now...

a year ago this would have layed me out for weeks, but now it's just days.

i think i am finally better!!!!!

remember remember the ills of november

just had a lovely long luxurious day with the fish sister!
o how i love my fishwhiskers and she is looking hot hot hot.

i on the other hand am looking not not not.
even she noticed my weight gain...

so tomoro is back on it properly.
i saw a beautiful woman walking down the street tonight when we were on our way home from bristol and i realied that if i really tried hard hard hard that i too could look like that again!

its now been almost a year since any major infections and almost a year since i broke vegan, so i'm hoping that my immune system is up to a routine of:

morning yoga
apple juice with powdered greens and psyllium husks
breakfast of organic yogurt and fruit with seeds (altho may remind me too much of treatie!)
green tea all morn
healthy lunch
early dinner
gym on mon/thur/sat
tribal fusion belly dance on wed
no carbs after 18:00 by order of my amaxing trainer ivo badrov
cut down or out on the alcohol...
practise tribal belly isolations every night

Strawberry Fields Forever - Crochet Me

Strawberry Fields Forever - Crochet Me

trying.

so i've been trying to do this new 'routine' for eating/health and failing miserabley!

the only thing i'm managing to keep up with is the juice potion every morning, but trying to eat three meals a day, at the same time everyday, just is not happening at all. i get up too late and not hungry at all so breakfast around eight doesn't work, lunch i can do, but dinner before seven no way as i'm barely leaving work then!

ugh...and still not managing sleep at all.

i'm trying, but this 'routine' is trying as well.

i think it must be great if you are some buddhist giving bum washes for a living but am a bellydancing punker that works in digital advertising!

i'm so tired.

yea i know i stayed up late last night watchn' that film antichrist - wierd! and i've been up for awhile this morning.

but i'm tired.
tired of the last week of the month having no money at all no matter how well i budget.

tired of health things no matter how much i do try.
i'm supposed to be starting a new regime today - something suggested by my colonic therapist yesterday, but not even got enough money to go buy some apple juice and fresh fruit and sheeps yoghurt.

the apple juice is to be mixed with the greens powder that i spunked my last bit of dinero on.
fresh fruit because i need more roughage to cleanse my system. the sheeps yogurt because after breaking vegan for my health, she reckons that cow's milk - even organic - is not goin to settle in my body...

...unless it was fresh and unpasteurised.
n i know where to get that (the market by my fucking x)
but again no money to buy it.

the other part of my new regime tho that the CT. wants me to is write my feelings about my body and observations down every morning - of course she is old school (even though quite young and 'hip' well young as in 38) so she wanted me to have a lil notebook - but why start another little notebook when i've got a perfectly good blog just sitting here waiting for words to be thrown into it?

so i'm here on a sunday morning.

and just noticed that the wildflowers i re-potted in a lovely new matte black pail are thriving this morning. which made me smile inside and be hopeful. now if only someone would re-pot me!

oh great...

Accelerated postmenopausal cognitive decline is restricted to women with normal BMI: Longitudinal evidence from the Betula project
Psychoneuroendocrinology, May 2010. Vol. 35, Issue 4, Pages 516-524. Petra P. Thilers, Stuart W.S. MacDonald, Lars-Göran Nilsson, Agneta Herlitz

The researchers sought to answer the important question of whether women experience systematic changes in cognition following the onset of menopause. They also explored the interesting question of whether a woman’s body mass index (BMI) influenced any changes related to menopause. Higher BMI is associated with higher levels of circulating estrogens, due to their increased production in fat tissue, and estrogen has been extensively researched in terms of its role in enhancing and protecting cognition and even in protecting the brain from Alzheimer’s disease (AD). The study followed 193 women between ages 40-65 years with extensive cognitive testing and measures of BMI longitudinally in the transition from pre- to late stages of post-menopause over a 10-year period. The results showed that, compared to performances premenopausally, postmenopausal women had a reduction in performance on measures of attention and visuospatial processing. Also, women with a normal BMI (18.5-25) had a more rapid decline than women with a BMI above 25 on measures of memory and visuospatial processing. These results support the notion that reduced production of estrogen after menopause may have small negative influences on cognitive abilities, mainly in women within a normal BMI range, implying that the extra estrogen created in the extra fat tissue associated with a high BMI can mitigate this negative influence on cognition. Of course, these results do not directly deal with the question of any potential long-term benefits of estrogen exposure in the 5-7 years following menopause on a woman's later risk of AD, which is also an active area of scientific research.

Thanks to my friend kitkat for posting this on the nomads forum!

sorry for the cross post!

i've also not been round very much, so huge apologies from me.
am working more hours than ever.

still with my lovely blondeboy that i met almost a year ago while visiting fishwhiskers!

FINALLY had my fibroscan this last week.
it was absolutely horrid.
got sent to the royal free in london for it and the woman scanning me made feel absolutely horrid about my weight - she actually jiggled my tummy and told me she doubted she could get a reading with all my padding. i almost burst into tears! but instead turned it into anger and told her if i'd got the test over a year ago when i was still sick i'd have been alot thinner.

she then chastised me again for wasting my healthy liver by gaining weight and turning it all fatty.

i don't know what to do - this is about the 5th health care professional that has told me i need to lose weight, but none of them have offered the slightest bit of help to do it...so took matters into my own hands today and used the last £80 i had to my name and went and got a colonic irrigation - thinking of it as a big 'reset' of my system. the woman performing the colonic is an x nurse and was wonderful - explained to me that if my liver is not working well then the best diet and exercise in whole world will not help me lose weight.

so...she suggested and apple juice liver cleanse - has anyone else done one?

British-Punk-on-Paper

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/LOUD-FLASH---British-Punk-on-Paper---PRESS-RELEASE.html?soid=1103606398391&aid=Ol1dtmQVv4M

who wants to come to this with me?

when???

so when does it get better?

hospital say none of my aches or pains are leftovers from tx.

does that mean it is all menopause related then...

taking sage does seem to help!

whatever is wrong with me, sage is a miracle drug.

strange pains

very strange...
i've been having really strong liver pains today.
this hasn't happend for over a year.
so drinking lots and lots and lots of water.
will see how it goes!

he's tuff...

a few weeks in and my ex is doing really well with tx - lets hope he's an early responder! he's got the usual aches, but is finding walking helps...

strange thing is he's going to the hospital every week for his jab - he's not doing the himself. i've not heard of this before?

super!

my super sweet super sexy punkerboy ex lover started his tx yesterday...i am so proud of him for finally going for it!

it comes in threes

today is my 3rd day back out in the world after the horrid alien lump.

in the end i was on 2 x penicillin and 1 x clindamyacin four times a day.

i never want to see another pill again...so back to morphine patches for me!

the nostrils on my rib are still oozing, so am bandaged and not been able to wear a bra.

finally tired of being totally porno with my double jays - so have worn my pajama top to work.

at least it has a built in soft bra.

went for my 6 mo check up at the hep clinic.

they say none of this is down to tx at all...

...but how can that be when others are also experiencing lingers.

(including my cosmetic doc who was a trial subject for interferon when he was at medskool)

so much pressure

just back from the doc again this morning. she has added clindamyacin into the mix of two types of penicillin and codeine and huge ibuprofen. if i don't get any better i am going to have to go into the hospital...which is really scary.

i guess i didn't realise how bad this infection was.

and it's now spread into my left breast and is causing another bout of mastitis. so the doc wants to look into why my immune system isn't springing back as well as it should...

but first we need to clear this alien.
and i've had to swear that i will not cut it out myself, as evidently where it is situated almost in the middle top of my ribcage, there are too many vtial thngs that could go wrong.

so i'm home in bed still, scared, and upset, but i don't want to show my daughter how worried i am, so keeping it together til the blondeboy gets here from cardiff this evening. i want him here if i have to go into the hospital this weekend...

...and not helping that work is freaking out and really pressuring me. but then none of us realised how bad it was!

just showed my daugther and we both agree it is gross gross gross...

words to live by

i now have an infected cyst that is 6cm x 5cm on my ribcage where my bra rubs. it's the most painful thing ever! am taking so many pain meds but they seem to wear off hours before i should take me anymore...altho i am reminded of the 'pain specialist' nurse at the hospital i had my breast lift at - she told me - " if you are in pain and waking, you can take more"....words to definitely live by.

but the fever is so high and the immune system so low that i worry and feel like i should be halfway coherent to know how bad it is - if that makes any sense? once the blondeboy gets here tomoro, i can relax as there will be someone to take care of me...

my daughter is here but i don't want to worry her too much as she's got lots of shows booked this week. she has just started singing, did her first gig last saturday and already did tv last night! i'm even more proud of her than i ever was before...

and i didnt think that was possible.