ass chat - literally (sorry)

i'm not actually sure if anyone even reads this blog at all...guess i could look on my analytics, but then it might completely put me off if there is no one out there. and i'm finding blogging again quite helpful in organising my thoughts around weight loss and health. so if you are out therem i'm sorry i've not been posting the last couple weeks but i've been away gyspy dancing in brighton and also squeezing in as many other dance workshops as possible...

...thinkin' that this would help me lose weight.
and it did week 2: lost 5lbs then week 3 sucked with only 1 pound lost. even after working my ass off literally to the point of exhaustion. which i'm now thinking and hearing may have been the reason why my loss was so little. so this weekend i've taken it a bit easier, and ensured that i've rested.

another reason i think i may have not lost much?
i was literally full of shit! even adding as much fiber as i could to my lighter life food packs, i was still tightly packed, then i swear i pooed out at least 2lbs of crap the next morning. i wish i could have demanded a recount for the week! so this week i'm also eating dulco-lax like sweeties to try and shift my weight that way as well as burn it.

ugh...wish me luck.

999

i lost 9 pounds in 6 days!

...and have now moved onto some bar food as well as just spacepacks.

so need to think of extra ways to keep losing the weight at the same speed.
next week i should feel strong enough to do bellydance conditioning so that should help. then the next week gypsy dance in portslade will add another session.

hmmm - but what after that???

sorry for the cross post!

i've also not been round very much, so huge apologies from me.
am working more hours than ever.

still with my lovely blondeboy that i met almost a year ago while visiting fishwhiskers!

FINALLY had my fibroscan this last week.
it was absolutely horrid.
got sent to the royal free in london for it and the woman scanning me made feel absolutely horrid about my weight - she actually jiggled my tummy and told me she doubted she could get a reading with all my padding. i almost burst into tears! but instead turned it into anger and told her if i'd got the test over a year ago when i was still sick i'd have been alot thinner.

she then chastised me again for wasting my healthy liver by gaining weight and turning it all fatty.

i don't know what to do - this is about the 5th health care professional that has told me i need to lose weight, but none of them have offered the slightest bit of help to do it...so took matters into my own hands today and used the last £80 i had to my name and went and got a colonic irrigation - thinking of it as a big 'reset' of my system. the woman performing the colonic is an x nurse and was wonderful - explained to me that if my liver is not working well then the best diet and exercise in whole world will not help me lose weight.

so...she suggested and apple juice liver cleanse - has anyone else done one?

poids!

so i went to relationship therapy alone tonight.
the fiance didn't come - not sure if it's his newly broken leg or work or what, but i'm such a mess i can't even really think about it right now - i need sleep.

anyway - the therapist was quite interested in my massive weight gain - its very noticeable. she says that now i know i have svr that instead of using alcohol to punish myself i have started using food as my threat of diabetes is so great that this is now an easier way of topping myself than drinking...interesting.

think i'll be safe the next few days though as paris so is not vegan!

stop...in the name of love

this has to stop.
i'm eating myself to death...ugh!
because of the art project i weighed myself and am 87.1 kilos!
which means i've gained ALOT since all this has started going on with the fiance.
i was down to 80 kilos on tx.

so today's menu is coffee with soya milk, and tofu and salad for lunch and dinner...well fingers crossed as am meeting up with my friend for lunch as she's over here visiting from dublin.

still not talked to the fiance since saturday night when i asked him to leave because he was being antagonistic. don't know if this is finally it or not.

it's strange to think that it's only been a couple weeks since i got the all clear SVR - seems like it was ages ago. i should be feeling great and light and celebrating - but he's taken that away from me and instead i'm stressed and anxious with no idea where i stand any longer.

eat to the beat

my local grocery store sells no alcohol wine and beer that doesn't look too bad (so not kaliber)
now i just need to remember if it's the no alcoh0l white or red that tastes horrid!
i've had it before at friends' houses so maybe i'll facebook them to ask...
and the beer that they have is either their own label german stuff or the cobra 0.0%
which i can't wait to try!!!!

i had the san miguel 0.0% when i was in las palmas last summer.
that was the week before what shoulda been my diagnosis - my last big blow out vacation.
but of course i came back for nothing as the hospital left my blood tests had to be redone as they'd not been processed in time! ugh...

as soon as my tummy is feeling better/more used to the drugs i will definitely have some beer!
i'm finding that anything i consume after about 4pm just doesnt settle well, and with having to take the night pills with food i'm finding it quite a struggle! i'm not used to breakfast either...but tonight managed again to make a slight dent in the leftover brinjal curry from the lovely keralian restaraunt around the corner.

talked to the nurse at the hospital about it today, how i'm finding it hard to eat when i'm supposed to rather than when i want to (which used to be always - i should be treating this whole thing as a weight loss regime and i'd probably not be complaining - not that i really am). the nurse explained that food needs to be seen as fuel now...hmmm

but besides that the only other thing that has bothered me in my first week of treatment is a very very very inflamed and sory - even pink - lymph gland on the same side as i did my shot last wednesdy. i just need to keep an eye on it...and just when i'm feeling more myself again - its time to do another injection!

am moving it to thursday tho so i'm wiped over the weekend when i have a bit more downtime - so it also means i get to have an afternoon out at a gallery with work colleagues tomro...and lucky us - they've givn us leap day off free!!!

and o dear i think i'm giving my age away with the title of this post!!! lol...

bootcamp

i've not told alot of people about the hepC...

well, kinda maybe i have but not really considering how much i blog everything out online usually. i'm so used to being blatant that this covert blogging is weird for me.

so who have i told?
only the 2 friends from back home that were here in london when i found out - 1 of them has a sister with it and himself has had major health issues with transplants and everything so was the perfect person to come out to.

some of the ppl at work know and are uber supportive as they have a close friend in the industry that has had it for agez and been unresponsive to any treatment.

a mailing list that i've been on for over 10 years whose members have become my bestest friends.

a few other ppl and a few more other ppl

the landlady at my local pub - so she would understand why i'm not there 24/7 anymore!

and of course my fiance.

but no family - why worry them with something that might clear?
they all have their own health issues they are dealing with anyway...
(and the same susceptible fatty diabetic liver as i have been blessed with)

then there are a couple more ppl - both hairdressers that know i'm having a medical treatment and needed to dye my hair back brown, but dont' know what the treatment is for.

so how will i explain the non-drinking and weight loss?

easy.

bridal bootcamp.

i have a wedding to get in shape for so as all other brides do these days i will be detoxing and shedding the pounds...

phew!