sorry for the cross post!

i've also not been round very much, so huge apologies from me.
am working more hours than ever.

still with my lovely blondeboy that i met almost a year ago while visiting fishwhiskers!

FINALLY had my fibroscan this last week.
it was absolutely horrid.
got sent to the royal free in london for it and the woman scanning me made feel absolutely horrid about my weight - she actually jiggled my tummy and told me she doubted she could get a reading with all my padding. i almost burst into tears! but instead turned it into anger and told her if i'd got the test over a year ago when i was still sick i'd have been alot thinner.

she then chastised me again for wasting my healthy liver by gaining weight and turning it all fatty.

i don't know what to do - this is about the 5th health care professional that has told me i need to lose weight, but none of them have offered the slightest bit of help to do it...so took matters into my own hands today and used the last £80 i had to my name and went and got a colonic irrigation - thinking of it as a big 'reset' of my system. the woman performing the colonic is an x nurse and was wonderful - explained to me that if my liver is not working well then the best diet and exercise in whole world will not help me lose weight.

so...she suggested and apple juice liver cleanse - has anyone else done one?

strange pains

very strange...
i've been having really strong liver pains today.
this hasn't happend for over a year.
so drinking lots and lots and lots of water.
will see how it goes!

blowing raspberries

drinking a lovely vegan raspberry cider and not having to feel guilty.

altho the way things are with me and the fiance right now sometimes i wish i was still sick and dying via liver explosion. ugh.

i really hate that i should be happy and celebrating but instead just worse depressed and anxious as when i was on tx...

ugh.

this drinking myself to death thing seems to be working...my liver actually hurts!

hopefully my suicide by liver explosion will be cancelled as things might be getting better with the fiance...at least we saw each other a cuddled, but evidently still need to talk, ugh - i hate talking. talking never seems to work out for me.

FUCK my liver!

i've just washed down a double dose of prozac with a bottle of pink wine to try and calm myself down. that was after downing a pint of budvar to try and keep myself from breaking down at my favourite stitch and bitch...i'm finally crying.

things have not got any better with the fiance and i still haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. i'm just barely hanging on til i can get to my sista fishie on friday. until then i have to hold it together during working hours...at least.

easy like sunday evening...

no idea what it's doing to my liver but i had to do some vicodin this evening = it was the only thing i had in my house that would chill me out enough to go meet the lovely fiance. i'm not sure what is going to happen but he wants space while he looks for a new job...that could be days or weeks or ? in this recession. ugh. all i can do is keep getting on with my life and crochet and daughter and friends and be here for him when he gets his head round everything that is going on...

and another post tonight...

just finished doing a bit of yoga...
am trying to do it twice a day at home along with my nintendo DS yoga game/programme and am loving it...reckon this will help me get back to the flexibility and stamina that i had before tx.
because i seem to have lost ALOT of range of movement while i was on treatment.
ugh.

yoga poses that used t o be my favourite and easiest are now very difficult.

and since starting doing it so often i'm getting pains in my liver.
i'm hoping/reckoning that the pain is more gunk detoxing.

fingers crossed!