april fool

i've had so much to write but just not been in the mood to sit and type it all out...

things are all still up and down with the fiance, but at least now when it's down he is still communicating with me, so i am coping with it better. so hence i'm more able to blog today i guess. and as well as write, i've made it to the gym as well - i have a new workout routine that my lovely trainer joshua has made for me - trying to build myself back up and lose the weight that has been piling on...so already hurting, am gonna be really sore in the morning!

and that's not the only soreness i've got.

finally seem to be getting my first post-treatment post-depo period. and it doesn't feel right or like any of the other periods i've ever had...for one thing this bleeding is dark dark almost black, and chunky like a chocolate brownie. but with cramps that are alot less painful than any i've ever had in my life, ever. strange.

another strange thing is i seem to have some wierd post-treatment stigmata (see photo, those are old piercings). i've got a mark/bruise on my belly that looks just like an interferon shot mark. how strange is this? the fiance thinks its some sort of psychosomatic thing. i'm not sure what it is...its just wierd.

snoozy...

so tired tonight.
but walked bak and forth to work, as well as to the postbox at lunch and then the gym!
have really been pushing it at the gym = not back to pre tx but really trying to build it up.

the information i'd been waiting for from the community mental nurse came through today and there seems to be a good little workbook/pamphlet about anxiety that i'll look at in more detail later on.

but first i want to do some yoga tummy exercises.
the gym has all new equipment and the new stomach machines have big heavy straps that are too long AND hurt my bosoms!

i did it...

SVR


really feel like i should be celebrating but things still aren't that great with the fiance so all i'm feeling really is relief.

now off to the gym.

just a quickie...

had a really good gym session this evening, feeling stronger and am able to up my weights a bit.
then came home, crocheted some halloween monsters for a bit...latest is stripey purple!

and have just finished another yoga routine.
i'm still trying to do twice a day (this morning was fail)
but tonight was quite hard as i was already sore from my workout - which means it was probably even more beneficial as gave me an extra long stretch...except i'm really finding it hard to do the crescent moon pose when i have to do a c-shape to the right hand side.

that would be my lovely liver again i spose!

three feet lower than a cunt

so busy busy and tired tired but have notice i'm getting stronger!
at the gym on sunday i managed to do 3 sets of weights that i would have struggled to do 1 set of when i was tx'd...i'm sore today but again it's a good sore. and whatever i can do to tighten my body up before heading off to ibixa will help. luckily there is a gym at one of my hotels so i'll be having a post siesta training session as much as possible...being out there 8 days will hopefully give me a chance to get back in the swing of it.

and more on my ankle.
went to a 'do' tonight and sharleen spiteri was performing.
she used to kickbox with the same crew as me - i sooo wanted to tell her about my amaxing ankle story - but alas no luck. probably for the best lol, she might have thought i was some extra weirdo stalker after all these years!

anyway.
it feels like there is a warm breeze blowing on my ankle.
to the point i still keep thinkin that my desk neighbour at work has the heater on.
but no - its more like a psychic healing sort of warmth.
who the hell is sending vibes to my ankle though?

hello - it is the liver that needs the help!!!

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i have never done this before...
just scratched an itchy leg until it bled!
which scares me as i know that is a sign of hepC and what if it means it is already back? ugh.
know i'm probably making myself (more) crazy. but have to admit i had half a bottle of the most gorgeous pink wine last week. so it would be my own damn fault if it did come back.
but damn it did taste good!

and.
got me thinking.
why is it okay under doctor's orders to pump my body full of paracetamol which everyone knows is a liver killer, but its not okay to drink alcohol? so over 6 months on 1000mg of painkiller every 4 hours...just makes me wonder how much damage those 2 glasses of wine actually could do?

could the itching actually be lack of painkillers?
(i've heard anti-d's could do this)

i'm now only taking low level stuff every now and again

which i realised last night halfway through a mega-light gym session how different it is to train without a body pumped full of codeine...i couldn't understand at first why everything hurt! but of course i'm doing these sessions now au naturel

no not naked.
altho i did work out in a regular bra the other night rather than a sports bra...
and it was actually quite lovely as not as hot. so am going to see how i get on in this sturdy but cut down version. wish me luck and no benny hill comedy bosom moments!

good vibrations!

yes my wrist is finally getting sore from all the crochet, lol!
which probably stops me being online so much - but i'll have a lovely warm blanket to show for it, so please excuse me for blogging less for a few months while i make something snuggly for winter! i'm quite excited as it is made of different coloured blocks, each with a skull design on it. soo sweet...and warm.

warmth is important.

especially as every night around 10pm i seem to get the worst bone chill ever. i'm still feverish - but finally felt good enough for gym again tonight after a month off.

it was a nice gently cardio and powerplate workout - so let's hope it works to lift my mood because i really can't fathom upping the anti-d's . it makes it tooo hard to cum! and with such a lovely fiance around i NEED to sparkle!!!

altho i do have to admit that now i understand all the advice i had from others that are on tx and anti-d's to get friendly with my vibrator...i'd never had one before but yes, now couldn't live without one.

there must be some correlation between the number of anti-d prescriptions written and the number of vibrators sold, lol!!!

lucky i just got a special discount card for harmony!
but for some reason they think i work at spearmint rhino.

actually - i must finally be starting to detox as i've noticed i'm being chattedup alot more again.

back @ work...

after what felt like a long long weekend with the frolics and paying for it afterwards.
am feeling quite good so far today tho!

let's hope i can make it to the gym tonight...

x

i now know what sick is...

i knew treatment weekend was goin to be bad as i'e been so exhausted this week...

but damn.
this is the sickest i have been since i came back from barbados and had to detox off crack.
i. am. ill.

i've not been able to hold anyting down and even drinking green tea or water makes me double over with stomach cramps so bad that i almost shit myself hourly. it's gross!

sucks is that yesterday started out as oki as saturday mrnning usually does - i know i have a set few hours usually before the tx kicks in...so got up early and went to the gym, didnt do a complete workout but the stuff i did i tried to do to the max. it was good and i din't feel any worse for it...so when i started getting tummy twinges i thought it was from the abs workout.

then it got worse.
now i've puked so much that it feels like my lungs hurt.
i've managed to have a banana soy yogurt smoothy with my meds and have sent the fiance and daughter to fresh and wild to get me some spiru-tein powder to add to tonight's banana mush...

and i'm to the point that i'm almost breaking vegan.
i want chocolate ice cream sooo bad but fucking planet organice had none in stock yesterday.
fingers crossed weare able to score from fresh and wild today.
otherwise i might fuckit and have some chunkky fuckin' monkey...

ugh.

i think what brought it on was i had humus with pine nuts after the gym.
whole pine nuts always make me ill - something about the skin or something?
so i tried to avoid them but obviously didn't.

the sickness hit me while i was in the bath.
leant over trying to use my new girlie shaver to smooth my bits out nicely.
i hate the spidery look!

so i have nice smooth as a baby's bottom girlie bits again.
just too bad my ass is exploding with shit...as i'd love some anal!

off to barf more.
which with a mouth full of ulcers is NOT fun.

first day back

so i made it through my first day back at work after vacation/startin treatment and i'm even entertaining the thought of a bit of gym later on...that is if there is still time after i go round the shops near here to look for some new bedside lamps. i've never ever been a good sleeper, even with the exhaustion of hepC - but now i seem to be really erratic - so i need some nice new bedside lamps to allow me to switch on and read while remaining all warm and cuddly in my bed with the fiance...

...that's until i find a nice pink nintendoDS!

exhausted!

i'm not sure if its the drugs or the jetlag or a combination of both but the last couple days i've been exhausted! although i still managed to get up and out and to the gym yesterday evening...was goin' to go for a lightweight workout but in the end managed pretty much my usual routine - just not as heavy duty on the stepper as usual - but pushed everything else out fine...

...and not paying too dear for it today thank god.
actually think i'm feeling better for it!

well off out to try and get my nails done.

thanks so much to the couple of you that have left lovely comments so far x