blood blood gimme blood

fishie reminded me that i need to get my bloods done...
work has been madness lately, so much so that i've hardly had time to eat (making up for it by beer in the eve) and the anxiety of losing my job now i'm alone is pushing me into overworking even when i'm exhausted, so i've not taken the time to go to the hospitl and wait - i hate that i can't make an appointment to have it done!

so next week before i head off on my scandoland adventures i have to get lots of tests.
escpecially will be interesting to find out my hormone levels...i'm needing them alot lately! which is what i just keep trying to focus on getting away rather than all my internal wobbles at the moment. i still can't believe that everything got so messed up. i miss my best friend - feeling so hollow without him...

i wish i could be stronger!

this week has been...

strange...i thought that i'd posted last night from my igoogle widgety thing but it doesn't seem to have happened...and it's lost. like me.

things were so looking up with the fiance.
i'd taken humble's suggestion and txt'd him that i loved him and then we met up and things felt more back to normal - how they were before he was layed off work. until i had to push it.
i just really really want things to move on and to live together, i miss having him in my life 24/7.

at least it was after a nice dinner at an italian place that we found to eat.
tis the first time we've italian outside italy at a restaraunt not owned/cheffed by his family.
it was lovely! except they had strega and he made me drink it. so not my favourite.

so if i drink strega for him why can't he move in for me???
if you've had this drink you know it's a fair trade!!!

was a very strange thing to toast my mom's all clear from her biospy.
i'd been holding my breath for her as now i know what it's like to be waiting for results.
but she's ok - so high fives!!!

food glorious food

i've gone from hardly eating anything at - first from tx, then stress then from tummy fluey something, but now i'm feeling the urge to stress eat from depression and anxiety and fear...so i've tried to figure out my 'safe' food - something that i've worked on previously with hypnosos - only then i still at fish all the time so it was a fishy safe food, and now with the yucky belly i've not been very adventurous - and chosen rice. yup, rice. rice made with vegan broth so at least it has a bit of taste...

made some last night and plan to keep some always on the hob so if i feel like binging at least it'll be there...altho this may all be quite moot as i'm going to be taking part in an art project by charting my weight for 13 days onto a music scale and then having it played by an orchestra and turned into a cellphone ringtone!

so last big meal tonight - as tis english mothers day and my daughter is coming over to make me a big thai dinner when she is finished filming today...

eat to the beat

my local grocery store sells no alcohol wine and beer that doesn't look too bad (so not kaliber)
now i just need to remember if it's the no alcoh0l white or red that tastes horrid!
i've had it before at friends' houses so maybe i'll facebook them to ask...
and the beer that they have is either their own label german stuff or the cobra 0.0%
which i can't wait to try!!!!

i had the san miguel 0.0% when i was in las palmas last summer.
that was the week before what shoulda been my diagnosis - my last big blow out vacation.
but of course i came back for nothing as the hospital left my blood tests had to be redone as they'd not been processed in time! ugh...

as soon as my tummy is feeling better/more used to the drugs i will definitely have some beer!
i'm finding that anything i consume after about 4pm just doesnt settle well, and with having to take the night pills with food i'm finding it quite a struggle! i'm not used to breakfast either...but tonight managed again to make a slight dent in the leftover brinjal curry from the lovely keralian restaraunt around the corner.

talked to the nurse at the hospital about it today, how i'm finding it hard to eat when i'm supposed to rather than when i want to (which used to be always - i should be treating this whole thing as a weight loss regime and i'd probably not be complaining - not that i really am). the nurse explained that food needs to be seen as fuel now...hmmm

but besides that the only other thing that has bothered me in my first week of treatment is a very very very inflamed and sory - even pink - lymph gland on the same side as i did my shot last wednesdy. i just need to keep an eye on it...and just when i'm feeling more myself again - its time to do another injection!

am moving it to thursday tho so i'm wiped over the weekend when i have a bit more downtime - so it also means i get to have an afternoon out at a gallery with work colleagues tomro...and lucky us - they've givn us leap day off free!!!

and o dear i think i'm giving my age away with the title of this post!!! lol...