missing

missing work again today...
my stomach cramps are still here and i'm still not holding food in very well.
which probably means that no prozac has been absorbed for days either...

i'm also missing the funeral. i regretted it as soon as i knew i wasn't going to make it.
i am actually amazed at how emotional i am about it, how much it has dragged up...we broke up properly back in 1995, back when it seemed that i could change my situation without downtime - its all catching up with me now though. so glad i've got a relate session booked for myself tomoro night as i really really don't want this to impact on the current situation with the fiance.

hoping i feel well enough to drag myself to the sauna today and sweat it all out and have a good cry.

lost weekend...

...and not in a good fun fucked up sweatie seaside sexy off my face fun tattooed riotous travelling way either.

instead it was in a sleepy achey couldn't get out of bed type weekend. its monday (actually no, it is tuesday and i've lost a day!!!) and i'm still feeling seasick even sitting at my desk...couldn't do anything but sit in bed and crochet as games, internet and tv just hurt my eyes and my mind too much. i am so glad that i've only got another week of this...but worried as i've got next week off and really would like to go somewhere/do something to celebrate!

so far the plan is still italy.

and to take some more crochet with me to work on.

because while i was stuck in bed at least i managed to make a weird little alien doppelganger of me - well of me if i was completely bald. so i guess more like a disco version of uncle fester with buddha ears! and more day of the deads and half a grim reaper...next project will be a little crocheted robot army i think! i'm really loving the creepy cutie crochet book the fiance bought me...and his first project was a nosferatu...aw!!!