crashing bad. feelin' low.

i really really really don't know what hit me...but the weepy depression was in full force this morning. i've now had only my second really good cry since my diagnosis. and this happened a couple weeks into detox. i wonder if it's normal to have this breakdown at this time> because i was actually so bad that i almost didn't go into work again today and seriously thought that i should up the anti-d's again.

and this is while the hospital is telling me if i feel better i should cut them down.
ugh...not right now thank you!

the lovely fiance thinks i need to find someone to talk to because besides blogging and him there really isn't any other way for me to share. i'm not good at it. at all. i tried the therapy thing for awhile - booked myself in and it was spread out over awhile and i truly felt that the last session hadnt moved on at all from the first - and they were years apart!

i did take one thing out of a session though, i had always thought i was weak but the therapist talked to me about how strong i was...that is something i do bring to mind when struggling - o maybe all the time therapying wasn't wasted> hum.

and as well as the anti-d dilemma- the other big news is that i've had to buy an eyelash curler!
freakishie long lashes does seem to really be a side effect of this tx.
one i wouldn't mind keeping...
but instead i guess i should be buying stock in lancome soon, lol

physically i still have a cough and bad fever
but feeling progressively lighter - and my feet and fingers don't feel as tight and stiff.
hair though is still falling out and when i washed it this morning it was worse than ever.

great. bald and fuking depressed!

roll on bank holiday weekend spent with some suicidegirls...

perfect ten

shot number 10 done...

completely changed my routine and it went well - best its gone since i was away at easter and in the hotel.

got home early from work meetings, so warmed my shot up between my tits for 15 minutes while i finished up work calls and txts and stuff. then went in the bathroom - we changed the bulb up to 100watt this week so no more mood lighting but means i don't have to flick the air bubbles out in the kitchen with a whole office block across the street watching.

i think the air bubbles disappear easier the warmer the shot is...

so did it. no problems. whoo hoo.

then finished up work.

the daughter is on her way over to steal some more eyelashes off me for her show tonight.
flatmate also has a show, so will have the place to myself - which rarely happenz! alien vs predator is on film four, and i might relax my friday night banning of the fiance and let him round later on.

now need to take some painkillers.

just wish i had enough energy to heat up some soup...
my legs are soooo tired from going to the soulwax launch thingy last night at the south bank.
it was my firzt proper night out and about since starting tx and i did really well!