crashing bad. feelin' low.

i really really really don't know what hit me...but the weepy depression was in full force this morning. i've now had only my second really good cry since my diagnosis. and this happened a couple weeks into detox. i wonder if it's normal to have this breakdown at this time> because i was actually so bad that i almost didn't go into work again today and seriously thought that i should up the anti-d's again.

and this is while the hospital is telling me if i feel better i should cut them down.
ugh...not right now thank you!

the lovely fiance thinks i need to find someone to talk to because besides blogging and him there really isn't any other way for me to share. i'm not good at it. at all. i tried the therapy thing for awhile - booked myself in and it was spread out over awhile and i truly felt that the last session hadnt moved on at all from the first - and they were years apart!

i did take one thing out of a session though, i had always thought i was weak but the therapist talked to me about how strong i was...that is something i do bring to mind when struggling - o maybe all the time therapying wasn't wasted> hum.

and as well as the anti-d dilemma- the other big news is that i've had to buy an eyelash curler!
freakishie long lashes does seem to really be a side effect of this tx.
one i wouldn't mind keeping...
but instead i guess i should be buying stock in lancome soon, lol

physically i still have a cough and bad fever
but feeling progressively lighter - and my feet and fingers don't feel as tight and stiff.
hair though is still falling out and when i washed it this morning it was worse than ever.

great. bald and fuking depressed!

roll on bank holiday weekend spent with some suicidegirls...