fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i have never done this before...
just scratched an itchy leg until it bled!
which scares me as i know that is a sign of hepC and what if it means it is already back? ugh.
know i'm probably making myself (more) crazy. but have to admit i had half a bottle of the most gorgeous pink wine last week. so it would be my own damn fault if it did come back.
but damn it did taste good!

and.
got me thinking.
why is it okay under doctor's orders to pump my body full of paracetamol which everyone knows is a liver killer, but its not okay to drink alcohol? so over 6 months on 1000mg of painkiller every 4 hours...just makes me wonder how much damage those 2 glasses of wine actually could do?

could the itching actually be lack of painkillers?
(i've heard anti-d's could do this)

i'm now only taking low level stuff every now and again

which i realised last night halfway through a mega-light gym session how different it is to train without a body pumped full of codeine...i couldn't understand at first why everything hurt! but of course i'm doing these sessions now au naturel

no not naked.
altho i did work out in a regular bra the other night rather than a sports bra...
and it was actually quite lovely as not as hot. so am going to see how i get on in this sturdy but cut down version. wish me luck and no benny hill comedy bosom moments!

friday

wow.
that was one loooong week!
thursday night's boat party was okay, i wore my best chloe and scandotrash cruisewear and sat up on deck holding court as the music was sooo bad that i wasn't going to bother dancing - as i've said elsewhere - i'm saving up my dancing for ibiza's closing parties in september!!!!

next day though my ass and everything else was truly kicked.
everything hurt again and tired tired tired - still it was a nice friday having lots of meeting with production companies that have become friends. i am lucky that i love me work! it pushes me through when all i want to do is cry and sleep...which is what i did last night, as tired and hurting is not the best way to go into a shot weekend.

usual 5am wake up, so downed some painkillers but couldn't get back to sleep, so joined the daughter who was passed out on the sofa to watch some old skool star trek episodes. but yuck! there was cucumber stuck to the remote...well at least when she drunkenly snacks it is healthy stuff, lol. so 1pm and finally back in bed all achey breaky - going to get myself together and go to the gym though for some gently gently exercise to try to loosen up these painful joints!

wish me luck...the weather isn't looking too good either.
gotta love the english summer. not.