i'm so tired.

yea i know i stayed up late last night watchn' that film antichrist - wierd! and i've been up for awhile this morning.

but i'm tired.
tired of the last week of the month having no money at all no matter how well i budget.

tired of health things no matter how much i do try.
i'm supposed to be starting a new regime today - something suggested by my colonic therapist yesterday, but not even got enough money to go buy some apple juice and fresh fruit and sheeps yoghurt.

the apple juice is to be mixed with the greens powder that i spunked my last bit of dinero on.
fresh fruit because i need more roughage to cleanse my system. the sheeps yogurt because after breaking vegan for my health, she reckons that cow's milk - even organic - is not goin to settle in my body...

...unless it was fresh and unpasteurised.
n i know where to get that (the market by my fucking x)
but again no money to buy it.

the other part of my new regime tho that the CT. wants me to is write my feelings about my body and observations down every morning - of course she is old school (even though quite young and 'hip' well young as in 38) so she wanted me to have a lil notebook - but why start another little notebook when i've got a perfectly good blog just sitting here waiting for words to be thrown into it?

so i'm here on a sunday morning.

and just noticed that the wildflowers i re-potted in a lovely new matte black pail are thriving this morning. which made me smile inside and be hopeful. now if only someone would re-pot me!

eat to the beat

my local grocery store sells no alcohol wine and beer that doesn't look too bad (so not kaliber)
now i just need to remember if it's the no alcoh0l white or red that tastes horrid!
i've had it before at friends' houses so maybe i'll facebook them to ask...
and the beer that they have is either their own label german stuff or the cobra 0.0%
which i can't wait to try!!!!

i had the san miguel 0.0% when i was in las palmas last summer.
that was the week before what shoulda been my diagnosis - my last big blow out vacation.
but of course i came back for nothing as the hospital left my blood tests had to be redone as they'd not been processed in time! ugh...

as soon as my tummy is feeling better/more used to the drugs i will definitely have some beer!
i'm finding that anything i consume after about 4pm just doesnt settle well, and with having to take the night pills with food i'm finding it quite a struggle! i'm not used to breakfast either...but tonight managed again to make a slight dent in the leftover brinjal curry from the lovely keralian restaraunt around the corner.

talked to the nurse at the hospital about it today, how i'm finding it hard to eat when i'm supposed to rather than when i want to (which used to be always - i should be treating this whole thing as a weight loss regime and i'd probably not be complaining - not that i really am). the nurse explained that food needs to be seen as fuel now...hmmm

but besides that the only other thing that has bothered me in my first week of treatment is a very very very inflamed and sory - even pink - lymph gland on the same side as i did my shot last wednesdy. i just need to keep an eye on it...and just when i'm feeling more myself again - its time to do another injection!

am moving it to thursday tho so i'm wiped over the weekend when i have a bit more downtime - so it also means i get to have an afternoon out at a gallery with work colleagues tomro...and lucky us - they've givn us leap day off free!!!

and o dear i think i'm giving my age away with the title of this post!!! lol...