humpday. not literally. yet....*wink*

so still struggling with everything...
monday night's aches and pains were so bad that i could even watch tv or play on my cute little pink nintendo ds...so the fiance decided to re-enact the old english soap opera brookside for me using sock puppets in my dimly lit bedroom. i was pissing my self with laughter so bad that jimmy corkhill and sinbad were socks that i finally had to have him stop!

now to cheer me up he keeps taking off his socks at work and mms'ing me new puppets he's making...yes this is a man that is head of production of one of the biggest digital agencies, lol...but i love him because he's no more mature than a 12 year old geeky skater boy....but a 12 year old geeky skater boy with a HUGE salary....

...the fiance has told me to just fuck work if it's too much for me and he'll support me.
i hate to rely on someone that much but i know that if i don't start to feel better and less fed up soon that i'll have to do something as can't jeopardise being long term clear because i'm not allowing my body what it needs to heal.

and still constantly feeling like crying.
i know i've done the right think reducing the anti-d's and my friskiness has quadrupled and my hair trigger *sparkle* gun is coming back...so to me it's worth it. can't have a lovely fiance around 24/7 and not enjoy the indulgence!

especially as we are talking more about wedding plans and maybe still doing it in italy...but with some sort of party in england for the non-nomadic nomads of course...and how cool would it be to get tenacious D to play!!! we already know the raging horns will!!!

aw...hope you are all having a good day.

999

shot number nine was shit last night.

not so much the sx as just the taking it.

i really really fucked it up again.

i've been trying too hard to keep life as normal and now its time to start thinking about myself more. friday nights around here have always been the dressing room for my daughter's usual friday night show = last night she was belly dancing...so as usual stopped by on the way to the club to get ready here.

and the fiance keeps deciding that he needs to make me a nice dinner and take care of me despite weekly me saying its not what i need. i know he is italian and a x-chef so its in his blood to do this but i have finally had to be really firm. needing to eat light and early cant be ignored anymore.

nor can my need for privacy on shot night.

last night i got soo stressed by having no privacy that i ruined one shot and spilled half of another one. i'm not worried but it is going to be embarassing to have to explain to the hep nurse that i'm crap at getting the air bubbles out and don't know what i'm doing wrong.

altho having the fiance come in half way through to tell me my bright red lipstick (to match my nails) was rubbed off didn't help at all!!!! i was so stressed i couldn't even tell him to fuck off out of the kitchen...

yes. i do my shot in the kitchen. its where the light is best.
and as i struggle so much with trying to get the air bubbles out of the injection its the only place i can be in the house...so much for fucking bedroom mood lighting.

which is where i ended up.
under the covers fully clothed, stressed and upset and depressed to the point of being suicidal.
i know its the meds but it is scary how quickly it escalates now. just with that the anti-d's would kick in properly and stop the emotional turmooils.

so i know i fucked up and i'm embarrassed.
but i've had to ban the fiance from the house on fridays now or at least til after my shot is done.

which sucks and is scary for me.