as cold as ice...

seems that i may not have come out of tx with my relationship unscathed...
the lovely fiance's redundancy has put so much strain on him that i dont know what to do to pull him out...and then something happened last night at home which just wasn't right. i went cold and i don't know how to deal with it all. i have absolutely no one to talk to about it and i realise that without him i am totally alone here in this country - but even if i moved back home to my family i would still be alone...i've just been gone too long.

he wont' speak to me and i just feel nothing.
i've txt'd him that i'll wait as i love him no matter what happens...

i've not felt this bad since the last half of tx.
luckily i'm still on the anti-d's.

want to get away next weekend but also want to make my hair red now it's growing back.