and of course it was friday the 13th.

it's finally happened...i feel like just giving up again. this time it is work though.

really really really finding it hard to cope.

i know i the stuff we do is fucking amaxing, but it's hard hard work and long long hours, and even though it can be done on a laptop from bed, it's getting to me...and i've got my first complete bitch stupid ass of a client so i's not helpin' at all. i'm putting myself in her shoes and realise she's lame and came into the project late and doesn't know the full picture - but yelling at me everyday that the project is late is not getting it delivered.

we are not the red cross.

it is a fuking internet site.
with a 4 page press release so no one is going to bother anyway.
(we dont' do the PR...that's another agency)

i cried at my desk yesterday, i talked to the 2 directors that are really lovely (but hard work)
and i felt so bad. but they were lovely and told me they'd deal with it all and for me to get my ass out of the office and relax. but to me it kinda just felt like too little too late on all sides. i've been pushing myself while they have been pushing me and i just don't give a shit whether i keep my job or not anymore.

i'm always getting headhunted. even on treatment i could get another job if i wanted/needed to.
and the fiance has already said he'd support me...

but it's only 7 more weeks.

i want to hang in there.

but not if it upsets me.

i can't heal and keep this virus from relapsing if i'm stressed and exhausted 24/7.

knowing there are other jobs means i should just chill out.
but i hate letting people down.
especially myself.

and as i was a rage machine even on the 40mg of citalopram
i've cut it back down to 20mg hoping i can get my *sparkle* back...

fingers crossed!

lucky 13 - not

more and more i'm thinking that my daughter's idea is a good one...

she thinks that as i am spending at least 3-4 days a week lounging around the flat in my knickers, that i should set up some webcams and at least get paid for it - especially as my flatmate is a well known suicidegirl.

so this morn as i was wandering around the flat in my little black and white polka dot knickers with my nice black metal nipple rings and belly button jewelry - topless as usual - i started thinking yep, i should be getting paid!

so who wants a subscription, lol!

the fiance keeps sayin' how good i'm looking considering i'm 13 weeks into treatment.
i don't look good - i feel worse than i have since the beginning. i'm always exhausted and everything hurts...codeine is soooo my friend lately.

i can't wait til i can do more than work/sleep - missing my crochet projects!
...and i've got even more fishy ocean inspired patterns to be getting on with.

hope you are all having a good world hep awareness day.
unfortunately they weren't celebrating at aveda today - i forced myself out as i needed shampoo, but don't think i'm going to make it anywhere else.