Thursday, March 13, 2008


it really is a rollercoaster right now...
feels like i've got a really bad hangover after i binge drinking cocktail fuelled weekend - only the hangover feeling is lasting 24/7, ugh!

its not just the wiped out feeling its the bad temper too though.
i've got no patience at all. at work i am usually the person that is helpful and says yes and makes tings happen...but this week i've just had no tolerance for carrying people, telling them to just fuck off and do it themselves. yikes!

i've had to apologize once already to a lovely colleague/friend that i really care about as i YELLED at him via messenger to add something up himself. luckily he was lovely about it and just said 'doctors make people act weird'! what a little sweetie. but still. i'm thinking i need a safe word at work so when i'm on the edge someone can just say something like 'broccoli' just to stop me.

i talked to the nurse about it yesterday at the hospital. yes i know the treatment is fuckin with my brain levels, but she also explained how everything takes energy - even the ability to hold your tongue in situations - and that as i'm always exhausted and still sometimes doing 11 hour days that i'm using up what ever energy i do have just being there and interacting - there'x actually no energy left to be nice!

then she mentioned anti-depressantx.

do i really need to put even more stuff in my body right now?

evidently anti-d's might also relieve some of the physical symptoms as well.
so i'll see how i get on without them and try to keep an open (and emotional, angry, teary) mind!

but not so with my spots~!
i am getting the worst ever painful pimples down the sides of my face.
not my usual hormonal chin area, altho those are due too, fun.
but really big horrid ugly purple hurting monstrosities.
so i'm off to buy something to kill them first chance i get today between meetings....

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